The Lady and the Blonde
by Aranna Undomiel
Summary: "Sam stood in the doorway to his bedroom, taking in its state of destruction. Why do all my brilliant ideas turn out to be catastrophic in the end!" She was supposed to be a gift, but she turned out to be quite the nightmare...


**The Lady and the Blonde**

**By**

**Aranna Undomiel**

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Sam stood in the doorway to his bedroom, taking in its state of destruction. _ Why do all my brilliant ideas turn out to be catastrophic in the end?!_

Her pillow, the third one this week, was torn to shreds, its content spread across the floor, mixing with the strips of paper from what once was a notebook. You'd think he'd have learned by now not to leave that one lying around…

Sighing, he pulled up his socks and tucked his pants' legs in them, before stepping inside, bracing himself for the inevitable. He had taken three steps inside and still nothing had happened. Letting his guard down a little, he ventured another step. And then it happened…!

Razor-sharp claws sank through two layers of socks and into the flesh of his ankle, while teeth tried to gnaw through his jeans. Hissing, he plucked his attacker up the skin of its neck, only to be rewarded as the claws were now used to climb over his arm to the back of his neck, making him thankful for the turtleneck beneath his flannel shirt. Trying to extricate his attacker from where it was perched, he gave up trying as it started to purr and he felt a soft head bumping into the back of his own. Sighing, he swept a hand over the fur ball now curled around his neck. "You're a monster, you know that Lady" He mumbled, but he couldn't help but chuckle as the only response to his accusation was a deepening of the purring sound. He bent forward to start picking up the mess, grimacing as the cat used her claws to remain seated. Half an hour later he was sitting on his bed, a content cat in his lap, stroking her ears absentmindedly as he pondered his strange Lady.

He had picked her up for Brittany, as a mate for Lord Tubbington. The first meeting with Brittany had gone fairly well, even though the Lady Tubbington had pulled her ears flat against her head and had hissed at her, something she had not done to him in the few days he had her hidden in his locker.

The first meeting between the Lady and Lord Tubbington had gone a little less perfect; which was a fairly large understatement, his own mind helpfully supplied. Brittany had pulled the hissing Lady out of her bag and deposited her in front of the sleeping Lord Tubbington, who blinked open an eye at the increasing growl that was directed at him. Slowly uncurling from the ball he had rolled himself into, the Lord had sauntered over to his new Lady, who welcomed him with a smack of her paw against his nose. Startled, the Lord's ears flew back and he answered with a screech of his own. Seconds later claws were flashing and loose fur was flying through the air. A few more moments later had Lord Tubbington fleeing underneath the bed to try and escape the Lady, a bleeding scratch across his forehead. Brittany had picked up the Lady and, after extracting the claws from her own arm, she had deposited the cat back in Sam's arms, upon which the Lady started purring happily.

Brittany had forgiven the cat quite easily, claiming that she suffered from PMS, before assuring him that the Pre-Marital Stress would be over soon; before sauntering over to Lord Tubbington to scold him for not properly welcoming his new wife. That had been three weeks ago…

Sighing, Sam was startled out of his thoughts as the Lady started nipping at his fingers, gently reminding him that he had stopped petting her and she would appreciate him turning his attention back to her….or else. Shaking his head in exasperation at the Lady, who just blinked back at him innocently, he couldn't help but grin at his cat, before resuming his ministrations once again, as his thoughts strayed back to two weeks ago.

The second meeting between the Lord and Lady had gone a lot better, because there had been no bloodshed involved in the outcome. Brittany had thoroughly lectured Lord Tubbington on the etiquette of meeting a Lady of his own high standards…or so she told Sam when he and Lady Tubbington were invited in. Sam pulled the cat out of the bag on his own this time, not wanting Brittany to have to go to school with arms covered in Band-Aids again. People could start getting strange ideas…

Depositing the Lady near the door, they watched as her gaze fell on Lord Tubbington, who was residing in the middle of Britt's bedroom. The hairs on her back rose up, her ears pulled flat against her head and her tail doubled in size; before she sprinted over to the Lord. He responded a few seconds too late and she pounced on him, but he managed to get out from underneath her and ran off, hair equally standing up. Soon two balls of fur were chasing each other around the bedroom, Brittany and Sam running after them to try and catch the things the cats knocked off the shelves in their path. After a few minutes peace was finally restored. Lord Tubbington was once again hiding under the bed, which Sam and Brittany were currently sprawled out on, thoroughly exhausted; as the Lady sat in the middle of the bedroom, cleaning herself. "I'm sorry, Britt" he had murmured against her head as it rested on his shoulder. "I don't think they really want to be together…" "Don't worry Sam" Brittany had smiled back at him. "I'm sure next time will go much better!"

The next time was, not per definition better, but at least a whole lot quieter… He brought Lady Tubbington over again the next weekend. He had opened the bag, but had not taken her out this time. He had watched as she sat up in the middle of the bag, tail curled around her paws as she daintily lifted one of her front paws, licking it before smoothing down her whiskers. Lord Tubbington, who had been sleeping on the bed, opened one eye. His gaze fell on the Lady and he stilled for a moment, before taking off. In the blink of an eye the Lord was sitting under the bed, in the corner farthest away from the female cat…

The Lady stopped licking her paws and uncurled her tail, airily stepping out of the bag. She twisted herself around Sam's legs, purring as he scratched her ears, before she sauntered over to the Lord's food bowls and started eating. Brittany had sighed sadly from where she was perched on her desk, finally looking at him as he spoke. "They really don't like each other Britt." The blonde nodded this time, looking at him meaningfully. "I know, but that's only because she has already found herself a husband…"

So now, two days later, the marriage of Lord and Lady Tubbington had officially been cancelled. Their friends' invitations for the weddings were withdrawn, though Brittany stressed they were more than welcome to come by and show their love and support for the poor heartbroken Lord Tubbington. And now, after putting up warning-signs on his door and buying loads of toys and pillows for her to destroy; the Lady was officially his.

He smirked at the ball of fur curled up on his lap, as she was now rolling on her back so he could scratch her belly, purring even growing louder and he felt a surge of love coursing through him for this odd-tempered creature.

Various people had stated her to be dangerous and had advised him to take her back to the shelter, but he had refused. Her antics drew him out of his dark thoughts and her obvious love for him, made his self-esteem slowly rise. And at night, as she curled up next to him in bed, she kept the nightmares of what could have happened in the choir room those three weeks ago; at bay…

He bent down to kiss the small head of his Lady, who responded by looking him straight in the eye; before gently biting him in his hand…

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THE END

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So, I know it's really silly. It's meant as a pure crack-fic. ;) Ever since I saw that scene at the end of 4x18, this has been playing around in my head. Figured it would be a nice break from all the angst I've been writing lately and my muse agreed, though she couldn't help her angsty self at the end ;)

Hope you enjoyed reading this, would love to hear your thoughts :D


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